Misc

Forum Signatures

 

Due to a slight problem with my email I’m currently downloading 14000 emails over the last few years. I don’t know why Thunderbird suddenly decided to download everything agian, but I spotted some emails that I thought I’d deleted but are obviously still on the server.

Some of these emails were from forum posts made many years ago and I spotted some rather funny or thought provoking signatures in there. So, I’d like to share them:

Disclaimer: Because of heavy processing requirements, we are currently using some of your unused brain capacity for backup processing. Please ignore any hallucinations, voices or unusual dreams you may experience. Please avoid concentration-intensive tasks until further notice. Thank you.

“The moral of the story is that with a contrived example, you can prove anything.” – Joel Spolsky

“I still maintain that seeing a nipple is far less disturbing than seeing someone get their brains blown out.” — Chris Maunder

‘Java, Basic, who cares – it’s all a bunch of tree-hugging hippy cr*p’

I am an atheist only because fences are uncomfortable and the other side is filled with flames.

“In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins – not through strength but perseverance.” (H. Jackson Brown)

A working Program is one that has only unobserved bugs

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks

Hell, there are no rules here– we’re trying to accomplish something. – Thomas A. Edison

When all else fails, there’s always delusion. – Conan O’Brien

I’m going to patent thought. I have yet to see any prior art.

Let’s put “civil” back in “civilization”

‘Logic, my dear Zoe, merely enables one to be wrong with authority.’ – The Doctor: The Wheel in Space

The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little past them into the impossible.–Arthur C. Clark

VB is like programming with crayons.

“Your village called – They’re missing their idiot.”

Open the fridge door, scream, and everything that doesn’t run into the corner is safe for eating.

Memes don’t exist – tell your friends

SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue 0
0 rows returned

“You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” –Zig Ziglar

“I wish to propose for the reader’s favourable consideration a doctrine which may, I fear, appear wildly paradoxical and subversive. The doctrine in question is this: that it is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatever for supposing it true.” – Bertrand Russell

“The different versions of the UN*X brand operating system are numbered in a logical sequence: 5, 6, 7, 2, 2.9, 3, 4.0, III, 4.1, V, 4.2, V.2, and 4.3” – Alan Filipski

Money talks, but all mine ever says is “Goodbye!”

My code isn’t buggy. Those are all fleatures.

“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.” – Bertrand Russell

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. (Douglas Adams)

2 thoughts on “Forum Signatures

  1. There was this guy see.He wasn’t very bright and he reached his adult life without ever having learned “the facts”.Somehow, it gets to be his wedding day.While he is walking down the isle, his father tugs his sleeve and says,”Son, when you get to the hotel room…Call me”Hours later he gets to the hotel room with his beautiful blushing bride and he calls his father,”Dad, we are the hotel, what do I do?””O.K. Son, listen up, take off your clothes and get in the bed, then she should take off her clothes and get in the bed, if not help her. Then either way, ah, call me”A few moments later…”Dad we took off our clothes and we are in the bed, what do I do?”O.K. Son, listen up. Move real close to her and she should move real close to you, and then… Ah, call me.”A few moments later…”DAD! WE TOOK OFF OUR CLOTHES, GOT IN THE BED AND MOVED REAL CLOSE, WHAT DO I DO???””O.K. Son, Listen up, this is the most important part. Stick the long part of your body into the place where she goes to the bathroom.”A few moments later…”Dad, I’ve got my foot in the toilet, what do I do?”

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